i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize