we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She needs sedatives and a leash
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
