Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
