I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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