Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
