i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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