My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
