we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
