ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
