Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
