White coat. Heels.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
