last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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