How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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