I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
