I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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