He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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