She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
