Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
