i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
