You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my liver is dry heaving
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
