Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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