3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
