I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
