There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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