things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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