dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
