Plan B is the new Plan A
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
