There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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