I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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