i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
