Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
