I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
