You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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