Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
