I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
