Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
