Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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