So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
