Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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