I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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