i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fuck appropriateness.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize