There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
