God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
