why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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