I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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