how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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