Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
