i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
