this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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