Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
