thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
