just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You pole danced in your parka.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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