So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
