My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
