lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
