they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
