ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
