I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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