2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
