I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
