that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize