As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
