I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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