Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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