you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
