did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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