Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
