Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
