What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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