Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
