I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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