I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
