yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
